Baylie Carson Unpacks the Reality of Life in the Performing Arts
London-based Australian creative Baylie Carson is heading to the City of Churches as part of this year’s Adelaide Cabaret Festival with their new show, Baylie Carson is Handsome(ish). Talking to The Note over Zoom, Carson opens up about the struggles of being an artist, their new show and their thoughts on returning to Adelaide.
Words Emily Wilson // Image YELLOWBELLY
Peeking out of the collar of Baylie Carson’s T-shirt is a telling tattoo: the word gender in capital letters, slashed through with a bold line. Crossed out.
The Australian performer, currently based in London, has hopped on a morning Zoom call. Waking up early is not a problem for them, they explain. “I’m a personal trainer as well as doing theatre. Because obviously you need a muggle job.” Their laugh is slightly pained. “I have no money, that’s what it’s kind of like to be an artist, eh?”
Carson’s confession is slightly shocking, given that they have done numerous stints on the West End - the glittering hub of the British theatre world - most notably as Anne Boleyn in the Tony Award-winning musical Six. “Even on the West End, I was only getting 30 pounds to go on for my cover in Mean Girls. You just don’t get much here, it’s insane.”
It reveals a systemic issue within the arts industry: a total lack of meaningful compensation. The reality is, however, that many artists feel so passionate about their creative callings that they will continue to make art, even if it is for pittance (a trait that can easily be taken advantage of).
“I can’t do anything else,” Carson says. “I wouldn’t want to. But my goal is to have enough stability outside of theatre and film, so that I don’t have to say yes to things that I don’t want to be in. I don’t want to be in something that makes my soul sad. And I’ve done that before, and it’s just not a useful place to be. It’s just not worth it.”
Carson is currently gearing up to put on a show that is surely the furthest thing from something that “makes [their] soul sad”: Handsome(ish), an upcoming Adelaide Cabaret Festival show selected as the Frank Ford Commission. With performances on June 11 and June 12 at the Space Theatre, Handsome(ish) invites the audience on a queer journey of self-discovery, encompassing the tender whirlwind of childhood, the dark humour of adolescence and the joy and awkwardness of second puberty.
“It’s been really hard to write about, because it’s about me,” they laugh. “It’s a weird thing to write about your life’s journey in a cabaret.”
Carson usually has the benefit of being able to hide behind another character onstage. With Handsome(ish), there is nowhere to hide. This is, however, not something that galls them.
“To be honest, that is fine for me. Because you tend to get work because you are able to be yourself and vulnerable, you tend to get work when you are your truest version of you. Yes, you can act as a character that is completely separate to yourself, but if you’re not able to connect to your own emotions, then you’re not bringing your individuality to a show. Those tend to be the shows I get hired for anyway.”
What is more galling is the prospect of performing the show in their hometown.
“I haven’t lived in Adelaide since I was eighteen,” they say. The last time they performed in Adelaide was for a musical called Dusty, their professional debut, a decade ago.
“I think there’s massive pressure, but it’s also this weird thing of like, my entire childhood is there. A lot of my cognitive memories of wanting to do this career come from going to the Adelaide Cabaret Festival,” they say.
“This show for me,” they explain, “is kind of based on ‘finding my why’. I call it ‘finding my why’ because I find it more interesting to ask someone why they are as opposed to who they are.” Carson’s personal why - their path to self-actualisation - happened to involve a gender journey.
“As a nonbinary person, and quite masculine woman growing up, I was never ever called pretty.” The descriptor of choice was always the word ‘handsome’. “And I used to fucking hate that word. So a lot of my life I used to battle with that and that word.”
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Carson describes their family as totally accepting of their identity. “But the world wasn’t, which was tricky. And then finally, when I started stepping into myself and actually embracing myself, for my Six cast announcement, I chose a picture that made it very obvious that I’m a trans actor. And I knew that would stir some things. And it did. And it was mean. I got so many transphobic comments and hate online. My entire Instagram got taken down because people were reporting me. There was a discord dedicated to hating me last year. Which is just dumb, I was in the show for three minutes,” they say, shaking their head and laughing. “People hated the ground I walked on.”
One of the derogatory comments on the cast announcement read: “You will never be a man. You will never be handsome.”
Despite being hateful, for Carson, it sparked something. “I was just like, I’ve been told I was handsome my whole life, and the one time I actually try to be handsome, I still can’t be. So then I wanted to deconstruct the word handsome, and why it holds so much weight on a person. Because a lot of women that I know that are called that have an immediate reaction, because it’s not what we think we should be.” The show is intended to deconstruct the whole notion of “the binary,” of black-and-white thinking.
“The industry is still working on it,” they say, when it comes to acceptance of gender-queer individuals. “I’ve had a lot of experiences being tokenised and having to speak on behalf of a whole community. And also, like, I’m a really female-presenting white person. I’m the safest version of this demographic. I know deep down in my heart that that’s maybe one of the reasons that I got cast in Six, because it was an easy option for them to choose me and still feel like they were ticking the diversity box.”
Putting on the show Handsome(ish) is forcing Carson to let go of their pressing imposter syndrome. “It’s about learning to trust that you are worthy enough of holding someone’s space for an hour, that people want to listen to you. But I think everyone deserves to have their story told.” And for them, it feels like a true full-circle moment to be able to tell their story in a location that is the physical embodiment of their childhood, of their becoming.
“I had to leave Adelaide, because there weren’t any programs for me at that time.” They left when they were eighteen; they are now thirty-four years old.
“I just know that there’s more there now. I just know that Adelaide used to be, and still is, the birthplace of theatre in Australia, because the Festival Theatre is where they used to build everything. And so when you go back there you just see all the history…But we just don’t have funding and we’re so far away from everything. I had to go to London to open the doors that I needed to. But the idea would be that you would be able to bring those opportunities back.”
And so with Handsome(ish), they are bringing it home.
Catch Baylie Carson performing Handsome(ish) at Space Theatre on Thursday 11 and Friday 12 June. Tickets on sale now at adelaidefestivalcentre.com.au.
